“Do you know where we are going?” the scarecrow asked when they were headed into the woods nearby.
“Haven’t a clue, I’m hoping this is some weird dream I’m having from inhaling Howie’s hairspray fumes.” Nick said irritably as the three of them walked.
“Who….is….Howie?” the tin man asked in his annoyingly slow monotone.
“He’s Puerto Rican and doesn’t do very much…he’s just kind of there, trying too hard to be sexy. He’s not the sexy one….I am.” Nick explained, rolling his eyes. He wondered what would happen if he never came back….maybe his fans would all pick Howie as their favorite and forget him. He was horrified at the thought.
“Oh.” As they wandered further into the dark forest, Nick felt a bit afraid…
“This place is scary.” the scarecrow commented. Nick rolled his eyes….a scarecrow afraid of crows and the dark. He admitted to himself he wasn’t exactly having the time of his life on this trek.
“We….will….be….fine…” the tin man said.
“Be quiet…I hear something.” Nick said, stopping in the middle of the brick road. He heard a loud roar and suddenly a lion jumped from behind the trees at them. Nick screamed and hid behind the tree as the scarecrow and tin man fell. The lion roared again and then winked….Nick watched in confusion.
“Who enters my forest?” the lion demanded, but instead of threatening them, he made the scarecrow laugh.
“What’s wrong with your voice?” he asked. The lion’s voice was high pitched and not very menacing….he sounded like he was afraid of them. He winked again twice more before coming face to face with the scarecrow.
“What are you looking at?” he squeaked. Tyke ran out and the lion chased him.
“Hey, don’t pick on him! He didn’t do anything to you!” Nick shouted as he picked up the barking dog. The lion wouldn’t leave him alone so Nick decided to smack him on the nose.
“What did you do that for? I didn’t bite him…” the lion said, crying.
“You’re just a big old coward. Picking on a dog. Who does that?” Nick reasoned.
“I’m a-scared of rats….he looked like a big rat.” the lion sobbed, winking.
“He’s a Chihuahua.” Nick explained.
“What’s the big idea, scaring us like that?” the scarecrow said angrily.
“You’re trespassing in my forest!” the lion said, winking again.
“What’s wrong with your eye?” Nick snickered. The lion seemed mad and began cursing in Spanish.
“Uh….what did he say?” the scarecrow asked, looking puzzled…but Nick figured that was since he didn’t have a brain.
“Hell if I know. Lemme ask him where Emerald City is.”
“Puta Madre.” The lion muttered.
“Donde esta mi pantellones?” Nick asked very slowly. The lion looked at him in confusion.
“What? I don’t know where your pants are.” he said finally, trying to fix his mane….which was frizzy.
“Okay….so we are trying to find this wizard….Jizzle….” Nick said, laughing at the name. He wasn’t sure how a wizard could be taken seriously with a name like Jizzle.
“Do you think he could help me too?” the lion asked.
“What do you need help with…” Nick wondered although it was obvious that the winking was at the top of the list.
“The other animals make fun of me….I’m not scary….and my voice….”
“Okay, okay you can come.” Nick said when the lion started talking in Spanish again.
“Ai dios mio….this is wonderful….” he mumbled. Nick shook his head and wondered how he was going to survive the rest of this trip.
“YES!” Nick and the scarecrow shouted at the tin man.
“Get to the point already. We are going to see this Jizzle guy. He better be as awesome as everybody says or I will not be happy.” Nick said, not thinking about his tired feet. The ruby converse were killing him….and he just wanted to go home….Nick hoped Jizzle would answer all of their problems.