“Bad guys are there to make the good guys look better, and they will get their comeuppance in the end.” – Pixarpedia
“Whoa, what happened to you?”
Brian was looking at me like I was road kill or something. Cause that makes me feel so much better. I glared at him and he shrunk back.
“I take it the date didn’t go well.” he observed. as I went to change.
Thank you, captain obvious.
“It was going fine until that midget showed up.” I said bitterly. Howie was getting on my last nerve but I’d never stand up to him. He was in a frat and I…..well I was nobody.
“Howie was there? Where’d you and Crystal go?” Brian asked. I laughed at the fact he knew who I was talking about right away. I came back in the room and sat down before telling him the whole story. He shook his head afterwards.
“So she slapped me and told me to get the fuck out of her car. Brian….I am just not cut out for this dating shit.” I said with a sigh. I felt like such an idiot that it wasn’t funny, also felt like as long as I was at this school….I was doomed. Doomed to be a loser.
“Nick, you need to stand up to that asshole.” Brian said.
“I can’t. He always manages to screw me over.” I whispered, hanging my head in shame. Brian stood up and grabbed both of my shoulders, shaking me.
“No, Nick. You HAVE to. You keep letting him walk all over you. It’s time we gave him some payback.”
“How are we gonna do this?” I asked. Part of me kinda wanted to show Howie we aren’t pussies, but I didn’t think this plan would work. I mean….me and Brian can’t even eat with chopsticks properly, how are we supposed to come up with a plan?
“I’m sure we will come up with something.” Brian said with a wink.
We had a long weekend coming up the week before Christmas. Christmases in Florida were normal for me, but Brian didn’t understand how you could have one without snow.
“So what do you do? Decorate a palm tree?” he joked.
“Me and Kevin will probably do what we did for Thanksgiving, eat Chinese food in our boxers and watch Peter Pan.” I said as he raised his eyebrow.
“Yes, I’m serious.”
“Okaaay. So you’ve never seen snow?”
“Nope. Not a flake.” I replied. I really wanted to see it. I wish there was a way to make it snow in Florida.
“You and Kevin should spend Christmas with us. Have a real one….I can ask my mom since she and him know each other.” Brian smiled. I hadn’t had a real Christmas since I was a kid, so I agreed but we decided to ask Kevin in person and surprise him. We drove to Orlando and Kevin was happy to see me. Orlando was about an hour away, not a far drive with the directions I gave Brian.
“So this is where you live?” he asked.
“Yup. Since I was twelve.” I replied. I hadn’t told him much about back home but I missed it all the time. Brian kind of glanced at me and opened his mouth, but he seemed to think better of it. The two of us rode in silence until we got to my house.
Kevin was sitting on the porch, he stood up and walked over to greet us before letting us into the house.
“I see we have a guest.” Kevin smiled. Brian was looking at everything, the pictures on the walls and some artwork I did in high school that Kevin framed.
“Yeah, Brian wanted to tag along.” I joked as he nudged me.
“I was your ride here, remember. Nice to see you again, Kevin.” Brian said as they shook hands.
“So what brings you two by?”
“We wanted to talk to you about some stuff.” I told him as Brian looked at a picture of me and my dad on my tenth birthday. We told Kevin everything that had went down with the Pikas and he just shook his head.
“Nick. You shouldn’t have gone with him, I’m surprised you didn’t figure out what would happen. Still doesn’t make it right though.” Kevin said as we all drank some fresh iced tea.
“I just was curious, is all. We want to get back at him, but we can’t think of anything good enough.” I said, setting down my glass and feeling refreshed.
Kevin smiled and we were all quiet for a bit.
“Well, back when I was in college with your dad….we played a prank on this other frat. They were always messing with us. Your dad didn’t take crap from anybody.” he said. I hung my head in shame.
“Don’t feel bad, kiddo. Here’s what you can do…and I’m gonna help.”
“You sure this is gonna work?” I asked as we waited for Kevin’s signal. He’d ridden back to the campus with us after we made the frat some special brownies.
Not the pot filled kind. These were different.
Brian and I waited for Kevin’s signal and we went inside the frat while he distracted Brock and Gary. He was disguised as a building inspector. He’d come up with most of the plan himself, I was impressed.
“Quick….give me that fish.” Brian whispered when we got to the air conditioning vent in the kitchen. I took the plastic baggie out from under my shirt and he opened it.
“UGH!!!” we said in unison. It smelled rancid. I wanted to hurl.
Brian climbed up on the kitchen table and put the fish inside, then closed the grate. It was already smelling. I wondered if this would be enough to get them back. We were almost out of the house when Howie came walking towards us.
“Shit…..shit!” I whispered as Brian dragged me along. We hid inside someone’s room until he was gone.
“Looks like we are stuck here for a bit.” Brian said, peeking out of the door jam. Howie was now talking to Kevin and we grinned. He had a brownie in his hand and was eating.
“Geez, Kevin. What is taking so long? I hate when he does this.” I muttered. They were talking for quite a while, about a hour and I saw Howie headed in our direction, holding his stomach.
This was his room.
“Hide!!!” I whispered. I wasn’t looking, I just picked the first door I could find. Unfortunately it was the bathroom and I did NOT want to be in here. No way in HELL. It wasn’t going to be pretty.
Me and Brian managed to both squeeze into the closet, and it was a tight fit.
“Dude we have to get out of here.” he whispered.
“Yes because I always wanted to get trapped in a closet with you. Let’s just wait until he’s on the toilet. He won’t be going anywhere for a long time.” I laughed. We heard Howie go into the bathroom and were horrified at the noises coming from it.
“Nasty.” Brian whispered. We somehow managed to get out of there, and it smelled awful from that and the fish. Kevin was waiting for us outside.
“Did it work?” he asked.
Brian and I glanced at each other and the three of us started laughing.
We drove Kevin home and we celebrated that night. Score one for the “losers”.
It felt like Christmas had come early this year.