“Behave yourself while we go out. We will only be out for a few hours….” Kevin said as he and the others got ready to go out…..without me….AGAIN!
“I won’t set the hotel room on fire, Kevin. You can leave me alone…”
“I know you won’t, little man.”
“God forbid you let a kid hang out with you guys.” I pouted, crossing my arms. He patted me on the head. I mean….I’m not five. What the fuck?
“Nicky, it’s not like that. You’re not old enough to go to the clubs.” he said as if I were a dog that wanted to follow him to the mailbox.
It made me think of home. I miss my dogs, I miss having mom doing my laundry and making me snacks. I even miss my little brother. After Kevin left, I thought about going to Brian’s room….but he was probably out with the others, making kissey faces with Samantha.
I swear, Brian was cool until he got a girlfriend. He is so whipped. Whenever he has a girl he likes he acts like an old man. I’m hoping they break up and we both stay single forever, playing video games and eating pizza together. Brian’s like my big brother, someone to look up to. I turned on the TV but it was in nothing but German. Howie would have found it hilarious.
Howie’s like a weird uncle that sleeps a lot but when he’s awake he cracks me up. Hell, I even wish HE was here too. It would make this stupid hotel room less empty.
It seems like the guys have been gone for days but it’s only been an hour or two. I try everything I can think of to keep myself amused, watching TV….playing my Game Boy….it’s so boring. I know I’m asking for it but I call home.
Finally the phone rings and I answer.
“Mom, you’re home…”
“Yes, baby. But not for long. Aaron has rehearsal and voice lessons later.” Why does it always have to be someone else before me? I’m your oldest!
“I just miss you, mom.”
“That’s sweet, but I have to go. Be good in Germany, Nickolas.”
“Mom? Wait….don’t hang….up…”
She fucking hung up on me. She never wanted to talk to me. All they cared about was Aaron and the girls. I was always on my own now. Not even the guys wanted to hang out with me. I’m such a loser!
I slammed the phone down and just started to cry…..the room felt so cold. Cold and empty….
Nobody cares. Cause I’m alone and the world is having more fun than me tonight.
I sat there, feeling a bruise forming on my hand from slamming the phone and hitting it in the process.
Being a kid sucks. I can’t wait until I’m older and I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I’m gonna go clubbing without them and see how THEY like it.
The alarm on my watch goes off and I remember, it’s my birthday. Everybody is out and I’m alone in a hotel room in Germany on my birthday. My mom didn’t even wish me Happy Birthday. I walk out to the balcony of our hotel room…..we were pretty high up and it was cold as hell outside. The wind was so strong it could have blown me away. Would that be so bad?
For a moment I even think about maybe flying from the balcony. That would teach them to abandon me. All of them. I shake the thoughts from my mind and wipe my eyes, before closing my jacket and going back into the hotel room.
I flopped down on the bed and completely crashed.
I look up to see Kevin’s shadow behind me. If I didn’t know him, I would not want to run into Kevin in a dark alley….he’s kinda scary when he’s mad.
“Mmmmhhmmmmph” was all that came out of my mouth. Somehow it was morning and I smelled pancakes.
“Man, you must have been tired.” Kevin said, grinning at me. Even AJ, Brian and Howie were there. Did they all watch me sleep? Creepy.
“I was really bored.” I said as I rubbed at my eyes.
“Eat up. This is your day, kiddo.” AJ said, passing me some blueberry pancakes, my favorite. They even had a candle in it.
“Happy Birthday, Frack.” Brian added. He sat by me as they all sang to me. I felt warm…..who needed family when I had brothers like these? I guess I am not as alone as I thought.
Life wasn’t so bad after all.
-song lyrics from “I’m Just A Kid” by Simple Plan.