I woke up that morning craving something sweet.
I’ve been doing really good at staying away from junk food. Really I have…..I even went out to eat sushi with Howie to keep myself from eating greasy stuff. I’ve been going to the gym down the street and going jogging to keep my mind off the junk food Kevin brought into the house when we moved in. The first few days we were here, he was eating greasy breakfast sandwiches but not telling me where he got them from.
What happened? Did we switch bodies?
Kevin used to be healthy and I used to eat all the time….I’d hide twinkies in my pocket and eat them when nobody was looking….order pizza at 3am while the others were sleeping so they didn’t catch me.
Eventually it all caught up to me and I got fat. I felt disgusting and when I finally took a look in the mirror one day, I realized what I needed to do. I stepped away from everything fattening, except cake. Cake was my one weakness…..with its sugary frosted deliciousness taunting me late at night. I loved all kinds of cake. Chocolate, vanilla…..carrot cake….red velvet, strawberry….fruit filled and cream filled. Cake was the best. I’d eat it all day if it didn’t go right to my ass. It was an obsession I’d long forgotten until now.
I wasn’t thinking about cake until we arrived at the studio today….when a box was sitting on the table, brown with plain string.
“What’s that?” I asked, pointing at the box.
“Some fans outside gave us a cake but we can’t have it until we record.” Kevin said, opening a water bottle. My eyes darted to the box again, trying to imagine what kind it was.
“Come on, Nicky. We gotta record now.” Howie called from the next room. My hand hovered over the box, almost there…..
“You can’t have it unless you sing first.” Kevin scolded. What the fuck, am I twelve? Who is he to tell me I can’t have cake when it is staring me in the face? This is bullshit!
“But I want some cake.”
“Work first. No cake for you.” he said, imitating that guy from Seinfeld.
I swear, he’s such a Nazi sometimes. I got up to the mic and started singing, noticing AJ taking a picture of me because he’s an asshat. Who does that? I mean, yesterday he tried to bomb video me in the shower. He’s such a creeper!
“Come on, Nick.”
It was like the cake knew I wanted it. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.
I started singing, all of them watching me like it was a private concert. Those fans hanging around outside would have loved that, but sometimes I don’t want to go out there. I thought our days of being chased were over, but some of these people waited ALL day. Maybe we should share some cake with them. I’m sure they were hungry too.
My stomach growls….Nope, they definitely ain’t getting any. They can have AJ’s raspberries.
“Wow this is good.”
Kevin already is eating it! What the fuck!
“Oh my god.”
I continued singing, watching them eat it. When I finished, I came over and sat down with them.
“Now can I have cake?”
They all looked at me and started laughing before handing me a small piece.
“Ohhhhhh my godddd.” I moaned with the first bite.
It was like a euphoria of flavors exploding simultaneously inside of my mouth. Several minutes went by, I’d eaten three pieces and everyone was staring, me licking my fork and then stopping when I noticed. I set down the plate and the fork, feeling self conscious.
“Nick, it’s just cake.” Brian laughed. He hadn’t even eaten all of his. I was hoping he wouldn’t throw it away, I hate seeing good food wasted. The fat guy inside me wanted it.
Damn him to hell.
“You’re gonna have to jog a lot more to burn off that shit.” AJ said, typing something on his phone. He took a picture of the box and posted it to twitter as I rolled my eyes at him.
“This is so good.” Kevin commented again. Pretty soon it was all gone and I felt legitimately upset about that.
“I want more.”
“Nick, you don’t need it. That’s so many empty calories.” Kevin nagged.
If none of them were there, I’d have eaten it all for myself. I felt really guilty afterwards, letting my cravings get the best of me. So I posted a tweet to make myself feel better and then went for a jog, hoping my ass wasn’t Jiggling already. I mean, what were those fans thinking? They should know better than to give a healthy guy like me junk food.
As I was jogging, I ran past a bakery and stopped at the window, a chocolate cake staring me in the face this time.
Cake, you win again.